Surviving difficult times

“You don't develop courage by being happy in your relationships everyday. You develop it by surviving difficult times and challenging adversity…” ~ Epicurus

Relationships are not easy.  People disappoint one another, sometimes intentionally, but often without even knowing.  In many instances it is due to a break in communication, even the lack of communication.  We expect the other person to know what we are feeling or even what we want.

If you are strong enough to survive adversity, it is like reaching the top of a mountain where you can admire the view even though every muscle is aching.  The accomplishment makes you proud of one another and you grow closer. 

True friends

“Don't walk behind me; I may not lead. Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend…” ~ Albert Camus

True friendship is scarce.  If you find a true friend, treasure the relationship.  One can have many acquaintances, but a heartfelt friendship is built over many years.  It is a reciprocal relationship where each person is focussed on the others’ needs.   

True friends are there for one another; they laugh and cry together.  True friends are not scared to praise or criticise because they know it comes from the heart.  True friends believe in you, encourage you, and don’t mind your call at 4h00 in the morning…  True friends are treasures.

If you have one true friend, you are rich and fortunate.

Purpose

"Purpose is what gives life a meaning..." ¬ Charles H. Perkhurst

Do you know what your purpose is?  Maybe you are not sure or still trying to find out what your purpose is.  We all have a purpose in life. 

Without a purpose you merely exist.  Once you have established what your purpose is, you can make the best of it and inspire others to find their purpose in life too.

Do something

“No one can do everything, but everyone can do something” ― Max Lucado

Do you feel as if you are doing everything by yourself while others are sitting around doing nothing?  Don’t feel despondent.  Draw them in by delegating some of the responsibilities.  Praise them and let them know that you are involving them because of special talents that they possess.  There is no I in the word TEAM = Together everyone achieve more.  When you allow people to make mistakes while they are learning, coaching and guiding them along the way, you are empowering them.

People are often just waiting for someone to take the lead. It might be that they don’t believe in themselves.  Motivate them to take the first step.   

  

A helpless bat

The ordinary bat that flies around at night, a remarkably nimble creature in the air,
cannot take off from a level place.  If it is placed on the floor or flat ground, all it can do is shuffle about helplessly and,no doubt, painfully, until it reaches some slight elevation from which it can throw itself into the air.  Then, at once, it takes off like a flash.

Maybe life shunted you onto a sideline and you’re flapping around helplessly.  Just hang in there, soon you will find a slight elevation and take off again.

Miracles

Miracles are a retelling of the very same story which is written across the whole world in letters too large for some of us to see... ~ CS LewisJohn

Tunnel vision, due to what we are going through, can prevent us from noticing miracles.  Miracles are there, we are just not noticing them anymore. 

The earth is spinning in the middle of nowhere and nobody is falling off...  Waves know exactly how far to roll onto the shore...  If you look at the quality of a photo compared to what the human eye detects, you stand in awe that the human brain can translate that into pictures with so much detail…  Every Spring trees bloom, come Fall, they lose their leaves…  A tiny newborn animal that stumble onto its wobbly legs minutes after being born and knows exactly where to find nourishment without a word being said… That babies don’t drown or suffocate in a mother’s womb…  That a heavy iron ship can float…

Open your eyes to the miracles… they’re there all the time.

Liberation!

Speak when you are angry and you’ll make the best speech you’ll ever regret - Dr. Laurence J. Peter

Daily we are faced with people who rub us up the wrong way.  No matter how hard we try, there will always be people who are on a mission to bring out the worst in you.  It is as if they thrive on the sensation they create.  In the heat of the moment we don’t even realise that our buttons are pressed and often we speak our mind without realising what we are saying.  Defence mode prevents logic actions.  Often we replay the scenario afterwards and we feel guilty, sometimes even ashamed.

Just imagine you being aware of these triggers, consciously ignoring the attempts.  Liberation!

Who would you be?

“Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are.”  ― Marilyn Monroe

A professor asked a class of students: “If you can be anyone in the world, who would you be?”  Eighty percent of them responded that they wanted to be somebody else!  Only twenty percent of the class was happy to be who they were born to be. 

Wishing you were someone else is just going to make you resent your own circumstances even more.  Find consolation in the fact that you are so unique that people should rather aspire to be you.  Be a trend setter rather than a follower.  The world of business relies on our insecurities.  Marketers know we don’t want to be isolated; that we would sell our souls to be in.   

Sometimes we become someone else, just to realise one day that we don’t like who we became.  Remember who you are.  Remain true to yourself.

Choose hope

Once you choose hope, anything's possible… ~ Christopher Reeve

We always have a choice.  We can choose hope or despair, happiness or gloom, fight or flight.  When you feel despondent, try the alternative option. 

Brainpower power is powerful.  Once you choose hope, the mind sends out signals that everything will be ok.  It’s like programming yourself.  Before you know it, you will sing while you’re unhappy or laugh when you feel like crying. 

Courage is not the absence of fear

“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear…” ― Nelson Mandela

You don’t have to wait to become afraid.  There is more than enough reason throughout the day to be fearful.  Listening to the news compare very well to watching a horror movie.  Newspapers are sensation busters.  Around the tea trolley or braai vleis fire it’s impossible to escape the discussions.  Did you hear… 

Being anxious does nothing for the crime statistics.  Live your life boldly.  Fear nothing or nobody.  Bravery is a frame of mind.

No limits

“Challenge your limits don’t limit your challenges…” – Juan de Jongh

You are capable of much more than you are giving yourself credit for.  You have survived for so many years since you were born.  Despite your set-backs, you have continued.  You have conquered trials and tribulations.  What is impressive is that you have done this with your head held high. 

Most people don’t know what you are going through, but you persevere.  Your ability to get up after every fall is testimony to your tenacious nature.  It has not been an easy road for you, you have dents and scratches, you are battered and bruised, but you are alive.  This demonstrates that you are a winner.  Winners have no limits. 

I've learned...

“I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on (and it will), it will be better tomorrow. I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life. I've learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as making a "life." I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back. I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one. I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. I've learned that I still have a lot to learn. I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” ― Maya Angelou

Take a detour

“A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour…”  ~ Anonymous

Sometimes our plans don’t work out and then we are upset about it.  Life is not a journey with an itinerary; it pretty much is an adventure trip where you encounter challenges and storms.  However, every now and again, we get to the top of another mountain and are amazed by the view. 

Detours can lead to the discovery of new opportunities… new sceneries… new horizons… that are much better than our pre-determined, boring, route.  Yes, we make mistakes and take wrong turn-offs or misread the maps of life, but nothing is ever a waste when you look back at the road travelled.  It’s a matter of perspective.

Count your blessings

“Count your blessings and your problems….If your problems outnumber your blessings, Count Again…  Chances are the things that you take for granted were not added up…”  ~ Unknown

Complaining is our new national sport.  We complain without really thinking about the subject of our complaint.  “Oh, I don’t feel like work today… I’m so tired.”  We complain because everyone else complains.  “The petrol price…”  We complain because it makes us feel better.  “If only…”  We complain... because we can… 

If we were to count our blessings before we complain, we might have second thoughts.  No matter how bad our circumstances, somewhere in the world, maybe closer than we would like to know, there is someone who is worse off than ourselves.

People matter

Will you hug that college degree in the walnut frame? Will you ask to be carried to the garage so you can sit in your car? Will you find comfort in rereading your financial statement? Of course not. What will matter then will be people. If relationships will matter most then, shouldn't they matter most now?”  ― Max Lucado

Is this quote from Max Lucado an eye-opener to you?  Maybe you realise now that you have been working and working and working, not realising that you are neglecting your husband/wife, your children, your animals.  Maybe you have been working long hours and studying to ensure you are qualified for the next promotion, and this is how you have been living your life for the past 10+ years.  Maybe you are so focussed on making provision for the future that you don’t realise that the future might consist only of yourself, because you don’t have any relationship with those who you are doing it for. 

The top of the ladder is often a very lonely place.   I’m not saying that we should not have any ambition or that we should not strive to better our circumstances or that one should not make provision for retirement.  It is all about balance.  Work hard and play hard – equally.

You are strong

“You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have…~ Unknown”

Do you feel as if you have reached the end of the rope?  Do you feel helpless… hopeless…defeated.  Do you feel as if you have tried everything, given it your all, and nothing works?

You are not alone.  Many of us can identify with how you feel.  We’ve all been there at some stage of our lives.  Human beings are magic creatures.  Somehow we pull through.  Somehow we survive and manage, despite the odds. 

Look back at previous tough times you went through and remember that you have come out stronger and better.  You can survive this storm too.  Being strong might be the only straw you can hang on to currently… hold on tight.  You can make it.  You are stronger than you think.  Don’t ever give up on YOU.

Running away

“Running away from a problem, only increases the distance from the solution…  The easiest way to escape from the problem is to solve it…” ~ Unknown

On a daily basis we encounter problems.  Some of them we can solve easily and quickly.  Others are more difficult to solve.  Maybe we are afraid of the outcome.  Maybe we are afraid of the individual.  Maybe we don’t like confrontation.  Maybe we are so hurt that we just don’t know how to deal with it.

Unfortunately ignoring a problem does not make it go away.  Sooner or later we have to face it and solve it.  Sometimes it is good to walk away and try again at a later stage. 

However a lot of problems arise in our heads due to our own assumptions and conclusions.  Instead of talking to the other party about the problem, we have conversations with ourselves.  The noise in our heads is often our biggest enemy.

Solve the problem.  Do not run away from it.  Give the other person a chance.  Be reasonable, calm, logic and approachable… even when you feel you are right.

I owe, I owe...

The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it.  ~Henry David Thoreau

In the Corporate World, we are driven by achievement, performance, promotion.   Companies are driven by profits and shareholders expect returns.  For the go-getters, there are opportunities.

When you earn more, you buy more.  When you own more, you owe more and before you know it, you are singing:  I owe, I owe... and off to work I go.

You end up giving more and more... more of your time... more of your principles... more of your life.   How much life are you exchanging currently?

Adjust your sails

You can’t change the direction of the wind, but you can adjust your sails... Jimmy Dean

Sailing into the wind is a sailing expression that refers to a sail boat's ability to move forward despite being headed into the wind. (Wikipedia)

Many a sailor’s boat has capsized and that is how they learn to adjust their sails and use the wind to their advantage.  Sailing into the wind also takes longer than sailing straight to your destination; however you will still get to your destination.  Not adjusting your sails, will not bring different results. 

In many instances one doesn’t have control over what happens to you.  You cannot force someone to stay in a relationship, but you can find happiness again... You cannot change the past, but you can do things different in the future... You cannot control the petrol price or the value of the rand, but you can change your means of transport or your spending habits...  You cannot stop the re-structure, but you can see it as an opportunity...  You cannot change how people behave towards you, but you can change how you feel about it...

Adjust your sails... constantly

Life is not a rehearsal

“I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.” ― Douglas Adams, The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul

Life is not a rehearsal, its reality TV at its best, with no script whatsoever.  One doesn’t receive an itenary when you are born.  Hopefully you are in a position to make decisions, but curve balls are thrown your way and sometimes you really don’t have control of which way things end up going.